GENDER RESPONSIVITY~Women's day

 On a much fuzzed manner as I try to rewire my thoughts on Gender neutrality, it struck me with a stark realism. What has sparkled within to give up this Utopia and face the reality??? Marriage.Yes,now I am a married man who has faced 35 days post the courtship phase. Wisely put, my thoughts on Gender neutrality have been rounded off to the nearest possible state which is "Gender responsivity". Saluting the women whom I have had the opportunity to interact and the woman who is my fellow companion of life, I wish all a "Happy Women's day".

The process of Sex doesn't excite me but the underlying current of sexuality does.(read again to get it right!!).

Yet the concept of sexuality is least discussed in the highly selling ‘hormone ‘market.Just like the Grand Unified theory acts as an intermediate to the Theory of everything,sexuality acts as the bridge to the unawakened human consciousness of the whole Universe.Now,What does this got to do with the happily celebrated Women's day?? Read ahead.

The statement "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" can be considered authenticated as no man in the world will be able to understand the myriad emotions and the biological cycles that happens within a woman. I am married man now and I am trying on a daily basis to understand this gifted creation of God i.e Woman.Easily can I empathise the hardships of my best half, but to stand on her shoes and view the world is a chaotic challenge.When deeply analysed I found myself to be a hypocrite as every man in his truest self has been.The moral codes and the ethical standards combined with the socio economic factors have conditioned ‘Man’ to be a dominant species among the two genders.And now, when the barriers get broken by the techno cultural upskilling paradigms, men become really pathetic giving their futile consent to this change of norms. The simple result-A hypocrite man. Henceforth as we celebrate Women's day every year, it becomes increasingly important to become Gender responsive.

Gender responsivity,by the term, I mean here is the understanding of self and the flaws within.Understanding a gender and his/her responses to the changes in the society requires a deep analysis of self.It requires a calm and unperturbed mind to ponder  over a simple question, "What if" ? and "Why this?".When these questions are addressed by every man in this world,will he able to understand him,the society and his companion in a humane manner.The task of such thought is not build on a day and requires a constant trial from both genders.As always, human civilisation has progressed tackling the imbalances in the gender sensitivity and so will do so in the coming decades.So an end note on this women's day, Understand to respect, reciprocate to rejoice and stay humane to survive. Like the saying goes, "A nation is born stoic and dies epicurean",live to learn and learn to live.

P:S: Dedicated to and Wishing the three women who are now my pillars in life. My mothers Vasantha and Lakshmi and my best half Manisha. You make me grounded and on toes. Happy Women's day!!!

INTO THE DEPTHS - HYPOCRISY

"You and I are like mirrors facing the other giving -The Infinite reflections"~Shri

The shore was calm and the air was dry. The blue patch of extensive sky had already
found cover

under the dark night. Like a missing pearl from the anklet, the silver moon shone brightly.Neither

Shreyas nor Keerthi were in the mood to enjoy the nature that surrounded them.The wound was

deep and never had it chance to heal.A little nod and a little talk was all that needed to break the

ice.But that little now seemed to be so large between them.Drifted hearts now want the mending.All

that is required now is the amendment of the Ego monster.

“So, how’s Noida?” Keerthi sucked in the air and finally let the words out.

“Not bad..Getting used to” was the prepared reply from Shreyas.

The saddest part of human maturity is its inability to exhibit it in the most simplest life

moments.When it comes to love,we are oddly sordid and evenly immature.The wall was meant to

be broken but neither Sheryas nor Keerthi know the how.

“You asked me to come Shrey..I mean we decided to sort this out while we texted right??”

“Yea..Yea..right..I will put it point blank Keerth.I do have the vacuum of your absence.But since our

drift,I have learned to live along with it.”

“Mmm..”

“And..you did find someone else too..I believe you are finding your solace which was not provided

by me..”

“Shrey..You know what I was going through.You didn’t stay by my side when you were needed the

most..”

“I did try.But my presence within your visible perimeter disturbed your peace.Remember Keerthi?

You said these exact words.What do you expect me to do? I gave the space you needed most.”

“All I needed then was a word from you.I believed that no matter how worse things escalate you will

still hold the ground”

“Keerthi..this is again out of anxiety and anger Keerthi.Remember our earlier days ,where we

decided that we respect each of our private space..I just gave that”

Empty spaces in a relationship!!Are they meant to be left void or should be mended with care?None

knows.Contradictions and polarities in a relationship are two end of the same rope.You have to hold

one and let go of the other to keep the balance.But we conveniently hold the one end

of the rope and let the other one lose as and when we feel like.

“Shrey..I am sorry that I went out of place and met someone when in distress.But, I do realise now

the difference between the need and want.I need you and that’s all I can say.”

Shreyas had that empty smile and came close to Keerthi.All said and done he didn’t develop a

hatred.All he had was angst.He loved her hard and let go of her even harder.Ego when known had it

won makes you act crazily.A mock, a sarcasm and a victorious anger were all trademark signs of a

winning ego.Blessedly,Shreyas didn’t display any of these.

“Keerthi..I am self centred and you know that.But I am a practical person too.I wish this had not

happened.But no matter what,I don’t want to be burdened by the past and the thought of you

leaving me.Yes,it is possession and let that be.I am hurt but I find it hurting more of seeing you gone

.So I choose you and we shall begin again..I love you..”

Keerthi had no words to say and was beyond overwhelming.The ego wall was now amended by the

little confession and the realisation made by Keerthi.Love was in the air and the two happily lived NOT

 FOREVER…

Happily lived…For a couple of months until the divorce took place.

Love is easy.Romance is not.We all love our pets but we don’t romanticise with them.Romance is Love

 plus the exaggerated inner fear of possession.Most of the time love plus drama can be the simple

 definition for romance.We love all but romance with one.Though the ego wall was amended by

 the confession,hypocrisy had it all .Had Shreyas too played his bet on the table and confessed his affair

 for solace.!!!

Seeking a purpose in relationship is futile.Trying to bridge the gap of our own hypocrisy shapes the

purpose of relationships.It’s a simple reflection of your self.All said and done the world is a

hypocrite!!

INTO THE DEPTHS- FACADE

 "Yes, we have met a hundred times... But as strangers"~Shri

                                          FACADE

"Death made its second visit to that house.Perhaps it liked being in that house.The front gate was wide open and a counted few declared their mourning.Shaaji appeared as if he has gone for an unwakable sleep.Quiet,peace and serene.The home had its authentic decor-like the one done in Polynesian style.A samoan styled circular top with wooded roofing and grass outside.There was where Shajji slept peacefully during his days in the earthly world.Now its going to be a permanent departure.Shajji's soulmate or that's how he thought in his cranny head.-Renita aka Reni.Reni passed away a couple of years back.That was death's first visit.Aunty and uncle were broken to their root and Shajji succumbed to depression.I heard Ram saying that Shajji didn't eat for nearly 2 weeks not even water.And there's where the facade began.

Ram didn't even think twice to fly all the way from Paris for Shajji's funeral.He was very close to him.Or may he had the guilt of reason behind Reni's death.It could be neither too.But that's where all the facade began.Since then,Ram as always was responsible but he became too far from being lovable.We have had arguments,discussions and quite a lot of cuddling too.But,Ram is still far.We even discussed his relationship with Reni and how they parted ways.I thought the chapter was closed and Ram is such a one to cut the solution to binary.So it was all clear.But since Shaaji's arrival and Ram's bonding with him, Ram isn't the old one.It was all a facade and it still startles me.

Ram and I dated for good two years.We literally finish each other's sentences.My mom is like his own and I am my in-law's daughter.Though appears Utopian,we had a perfect relationship.When I see my friends getting separated ,I have always believed that things in relationship were solvable when you tune with open conversation.Because ours was such.But now,little by little we are getting untuned.It can't be put in words .We have met a thousand times but now we are meeting as strangers in our relationship.This untold and unseen nature of Ram is not bearable.I can see him going through the grief and his need of support.But why don't he confide on me? Sometimes its better to be told that one is loved than to express in action.Ram has stopped doing that but yet doesn't stop surprising me with moments.Somewhere a cold wall separates us.

Shiv,I hope you understand that Ram may not be aware that I am struggling with all these thoughts.I even thought of visiting Dr.Priya our psychiatrist and his class mate.But I believe that I better share with a known person before consulting a doctor.Is it my own thought that Ram isn't doing enough or am I co-relating unnecessary coincidences.This need to be sorted before out of reach Shiv.I hope you understand".

Shruti completed the handwritten letter and looked for the nearest post office to be sent to Shiv.

Paris is a beautiful city and had an admirable art and culture.When he first wrote his book titled "Shrutified",Ram described a lot about Paris.He was then living there.As he moved to India and settled with Shruti,life was a pleasant exercise.And he maintained it well.In the recent days, post his 33rd birthday,Ram had a lookback on the journey and it was an awakening.His precious gifts Shruthi and his mom held his back hiding their suffering.An easy give and take relationship had become a "take and utilise" relationship".Lost in the thought of the guilt of chauvnist,Ram made a wall and decided to be independent.Very less or nothing was expected from his partner.The thought of "Individualism" took over and the common space was shrinking under his feet.That ain't a facade but a phase of love losing its ability of expression.

Ram returned from office and his face held that smile of peace.A calm dinner was followed by a chess game.Both were silent and Ram's face still had that smile.Shruti was wondering whether Shiv had told Ram about the thoughts running in her mind.The night was silent wondering who shall the be the first to break this silence.

"Beach ride?" Ram asked.

"Today? Not  the weekend.You need to wake up early right?" Shruti knit the rope of choice.

"May be we have been meeting a lot , but feeling as strangers" Ram quoted the words written by Shruti in Shiv's letter.

"So you know?"

"Yup.I also know that its not a facade but a phase.Should have talked earlier.A bit disappointed that it came through Shiv" said Ram

"Whom should I talk to? Ram doesn't need to be disturbed and Shiv is the only person left" sulked Shruti

"Ok Mrs.Shruti ShivRam.Let's go to the beach.I shall drive"

"Right.Get me an ice cream Mr.Shiv Ram " said she and the facade broke.

"Fine.Just wrote a letter and a poem.Do you want to read now or later?"

"Now.." smiled Shruti.

In the darkness

You help me find a spark

The sweetest soul with the kindest heart

If only you could see you the way I do

You’d see the sunshine and it’s beautiful

I’ve died a thousand times for you

Walked a million miles for you

I’d live and still be dead, you see

If you’d be living without me

I am Shrutified forever.

INTO THE DEPTHS- THE LATTER HALF

 "He left on a no-moon day shunning the brightness of the unseen moon not knowing that when seen in full, the moon always gave its joy of love to rejoice"~Shri

"Back then, do you think , had we been together, our lives would have been different??" Pratheeksha asked.

"Prat, c'mon, you always said not to make assumptions.Why do you need to recall now?" Ajoy said smiling.

"But still,you could have waited or atleast...anyways leave it..we wouldn't have been happier together either.."

"Prat..do you really wanna ruin this trip? Cmon we have moved on..different times different phases..Let's see  the 'now' here.."

Madrid was not good as it was expected to be.Bunol which is a three hour drive from Madrid was the spot for the gathering.The occasion was for the Tomatina festival with a group that had travelled from India.Universe has its own way of playing the ploy of love.Prat and Ajoy who parted ways had no idea that they would be a part of the travelling group.Prat was considered an introvert and lonesome traveller and Ajoy a happy go by boy.

The former half..

"You don't see what I am talking about.Eventually you will knit pick on matters that you agree today and then it will be a big disaster.."Ajoy was in no mood for extending the conversation.

"Do you even see the crux of this argument Ajoy,it doesn't matter, because we like and love each other",Prat said unapologetically.

"Of late, Prat, don't you think that you're forcing yourself into situations which you need yourself to.That is the problem.I see you are becoming someone and that too for me, I can't handle that Prat"

"You don't see the point Ajoy or perhaps you never wanted to.You feel just like anyone else in this world and need for the love and care;True that you want to be yourself and so do I.But I see the us..."the mid sentence was yet to be ended by Prat.

"It's Over.I am trying my level best.Somehow the thread is lost and its not possible to wind that up.Let's leave "

Love and relationships, easily can be called as the mid life crisis phase.Especially, when you feel like you own your life unfazed by any situation,the choices you have bring along with it a sense of fear too.In choosing our better half, humans of this generation appear more cautious than any other being on earth.The primary missing factor of acceptance combined with the cynic psyche due to extra  bombardment of informations actually takes the charm of curiosity and gives a niche to the newly formed relationships.

The latter half:

The two pair of eyes did meet but not like before.The pair of hands did yearned for the dearest holding but not like before.Ajoy looked deep into Prat and said, "Circumstances..Right decisions at wrong time..but then its ok Prat..Moved on"

With a wry smile waded with passage of time, Prat said, "Some decisions are beyond control.When looked retrospectivelty, you realise that, but then Ajoy, we missed being on that same boat"

Humans are born with the inner vaccum of incompleteness.Searching for self neither in the pleasures of life,nor in the shades of inward travel bears fruit.You accept the incompleteness and graciously bow to the Almighty TIME with no weapons of ego,pride,individuality etc.Of all the depths in your life, Love is the deepest and you realise it only in the LATTER HALF.

DREAMS ON FIRE

 "You are the laughter from childhood dreams..

   You are the faith when I need belief...

   You are where I belong..

   You are the soothing feel in my soul.."

She just found that corner seat in the last row of the bus.Before the blaze that rushes for the windowsill she wanted to have that seat badly.As time tickled away, she got a quick glance of the atmosphere and sat at the seat just like a queen on a diamond throne.

"How does it feel Diya?..Just to be yourself.Unslained by the bubbling scuffles of thought continum."

"Who are you? And why do I need to answer you?"

"I am someone whom you have known since birth.But not now though..Anyways..How do you like it? Just to be yourself? Unslained.."

"I have always been myself.Just as always.No impersonations..Impromptu and Independent.."

The breeze of the evening wind waded down the transverse windows of the bus.So did Diya's mood and her fellow being's smile.Some journeys in life are never meant to be forgotten for you do it only once.Nevertheless, such journey can happen in a crowded bus?? Wonder!! why not??

The downhill journey from Trivandrum to Shencottah was a belly dancing sweep.You never feel the rumbling noise external to you once you set the eyes on the moving nature.Diya who was in her later 30's got into that immersive feeling..

"So Diya? You still haven't answered my question.? How does it feel to.....?

"Just shut up and let me enjoy this moment..These are such beautiful places to add weightage to my portifolio"

"Oh..I see..The immersive experience you are having is the one for your portifolio..Good good..So I believe you are all by yourself"

"Do I need to say again..? I am all by myself ..Impromptu and Independent.."

As the bus took a hairpin bend turn, Diya saw the park named "Little Angels"..The nearby tea shop next to the hairpin bend was the usual "turn off" engine spot for the driver. Millennials might have the greatest pinnacle paths to be made in science, but the elder generation had their pinnacles rooted with moments and nature.Diya was a 90's kid and somewhere adopted a hybrid lifestyle with the grooves of the demanding system.

"Little Angels" was a welcoming park for kids.As Diya walked through the park, she remembered Oscar Wilde's "The Selfish Giant" and Ms.Maud Roger's faithful recital of the poem Lochinvar.She felt that something within her had changed or even lost.The grandeur of Lochinvar and the love of his for Ellen was all that she celebrated in her childhood days.Diya's memoirs just painted the picture of her kitten stories and the guardian angel she imagined herself to be.

Something within her broke and she knew that all these memoirs are a pain locked wallet which can neither be spent nor thrown away.She doesn't want to relive those memoirs which can never be true.Diya,an independent lady, a celebrity photographer,an ardent individual wasn't able to cultivate these memory verses into a logical poem.Tears filled as she looked up the "Little angels" park with welcoming wide open arms.

"So Diya..You still believe you are all by yourself?"

"I don't know..I am successful,independent and a go-by woman wanted to do the right things.."

"I see.You realise what you have lost all through these years of your so called intellect and borrowed logical life"

"No..I don't know..who are you? why do you follow me throughout??"

"I am the lost one..Or rather the pain locked wallet..Or the make belief joy you had..I am the INNOCENCE you lost in this accelerated path of life"

"You are my waking dream

You are all the thrill to me

You are the magic in the world I see.."And the journey continues..