Cliche of unaccepted love...

"Doubt that the stars on fire, Doubt that the sun doth move his aides,Doubt truth to be a liar,But never doubt I love"~ From Shakespeare's Hamlet.

Had Shakespeare been alive today would he be able to do a sonnet about unquenched love under these changing circumstances of love, lust and the rest ?.I doubt it.But for our hero Karthik ,love is so real, something a part of his soul(or so does he consider).Out of bloom suddenly he decides to break up with his sweet heart Mrithu. Why so?...Karthik clarifies in his latest post.A completely fictional love story.

Karthik's last coversation with Mrithu...

"Are you seriously saying this Karthik??? You are breaking up with me on my birthday??"-Mrithu was shell shocked when Karthik met Mrithu over dinner with his break up proposal.

"Mrithu..please understand.This can't happen.I have been going through this struggle of dual minded monstrous thought  for some time now and I just can't take this any beyond.."

"Why? What happened? We have been living together for like 2 years..and when I am ready to move to the next level you are doing this to me..to us.."

"Please understand.It's for our own good.We can't live happily Mrithu. Have you thought about our parents,our career?" Karthik's response was mixed that almost he cried.

"Calm down Karthik..We know this will happen someday.And seriously ...do you think,us staying together or getting married will ruin your career?"

"It's not just career Mrithu.I met my dad yesterday.And.."

Mrithu cut in the mid sentence saying,"And he rejected it..right??..grow up Karthik..we already spoke about this.And you were the one who proposed the idea of us staying together and its like almost everyone in my office knows about it.I wonder how a progressive thinking guy like you is trapped in these stupid social norms or taboo I would say.."

"Are you done Mrithu...?See,I still am a progressive thinker.But my parents and our society is not..Here everything is linked.Right from love to caste to status.People don't see the love, they have a notional dharma.And yes,I would also put my future at stake if I marry you.."

"Come again..That were the most hurting words I least expected from you Karthik...Good bye Karthik.."..Mrithu with choking voice went out of the room.

The next day Mrithu's things were packed and taken out from their common place of stay. Mrithu moved to the apartment offered by  Mrithu's place of work.

An year passed by...On February 13,2010...Mrithu gets a call.

"Hi Mrithu..It's me Karthik.."

"Least bothered.why did you call me Karthik..?"

"I thought about it and finally found a conclusion.."

"What "it" and what "conclusion" ?"

"Mrithu..please yaar..its us..about us.."

"Us what? staying together again..and you leaving me again??"

"No Mrithu..we will get married..like in a few days.."

"And now..all those taboos have gone..Your parents accepted?"

"No..they didn't..they never will..I am getting transferred to US..Arizona..we will move there.."

"How do you expect me to come with you?..I have a career too.."

"Ya..I enquired.Your profile will find much lucrative jobs than this one.Just say yes and I will see the remaining.."

"Listen Karthik..I can't discuss this over phone..let's catch up for dinner."

Five years passed..Today...November 18 2016..

Somewhere near the Phoenix city of Arizona...

"So how long have you been married.."Mr.Bruce,Karthik's partner in his new business firm asked.

"Its been 2 years and 3 months.." Mrithu replied

"You are in touch with your family Karthik??"

"Yes,Mr.Bruce..They were initially very angry and later Mrithu made them understand what it is like to be in a relationship beyond norms.."

"What about kids Karthik..?"Bruce asked with a perplexed face.

"Karthik and I decided to adopt a kid from St.Anne's home" Mrithu supported Karthik's stand.

"And why don't you go to India Karthik..Now that your parents have approved.You can live in your country.With your influence in embassy  you can manage to get your citizenship again right..like within a year now.?!."

"No,Mr.Bruce.it's not about citizenship, its more than that.."

"Whatever..I can see you both visibly missing India..atleast you can begin the future of your child there..and its a very good place too..Culture,people etc etc..I enjoy being there for sometime.."

"Yes Mr.Bruce..its wonderful..but there are certain pitfalls too.."

"Come'on Karthik..What makes you think so..What fears you from going there and living a happy married life..?!"

"Its Section 377 Mr.Bruce..Its Section 377.."Karthik said with a sad smile and looked at agonised Mrithunjay ,his lawfully wedded boyfriend..

Into the vastness of space

"The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?"

Very often do I think 'What it matters the most in life?'.This thought had made me have sleepless nights and the answer was not realised until this morning.Heavenly abode or the passage to heaven is what death is considered to be for those who lecture ceremoniously about the end day.As a kid I have been told stories of "Garuda purana" and later in my adulthood I had a glimpse on the Judgement day thesis and later as I substituted logic to blind faith "Art thou dust" was my ultimate conclusion.Amidst these varied oscillation of my informed mind little did I bother about the existing life until today morning.

As I write upon this post with teary eyes,I look outside my window and miss those moments we have had a share of happiness and an impulsive exchange of world outlook.Little did my friends reading the post would know that "Thoughts-Life" as we named and serve under it to establish as a NGO to help the needy was carved out from the mind of my belated friend Kevin.And not many friends knew the relationship I shared with my friend/colleague Sesha who expired yesterday.I dedicate this post to both of you guys.

 If I  were to write a book about Life,I would say "I am still getting the pages done"until I breathe my last.That's very true as each day in life teaches a new experience.In the past two years of solitude,I had been tested at various occasions to put forth my cognitive thinking to fill in the pages of the above said book but the the attempts remain futile.With highly emotional content hidden under octane pressure,I am considered to be the least expressive person particularly when it comes to the case of mood changes.Neutrality was admonished to be my forte.But I had tears when I heard Sesha expired.We haven't been in touch for a long time and little was the scope left for our future contacts either.But I cried like I was missing a very good part of my life.

Sesha as in Seshasai is(was) my friend/colleague.I still remember the day we first met during a free jamming session for office celebrations.Dressed in tracks with an armed wrist band,I came to know that he was a kick boxer,a mridhanagm player and guitarist and a hardcore biker.We gelled in quite easily as I was an extrovert then and he assumably was the same till his last breath.The later days saw us sharing a common interest on a lot of stuff and negated partying relationship.As I moved out from office towards my ambition, the stick on relationship became "hush-hush" and later mute over an year.The last I spoke to him was on his  previous birthday,July 30 2015.Out of all this,I found the guy as a good friend full of energy and lively likely with a wish to live life to its fullest.But nature had other plans,his hardcore passion "Biking" took his life away in a thrash leaving in devastation his parents and us the friends.You will definitely be missed man.Whenever I see a bike or a biker the first face that flashes in mind is always yours.Rest in peace Sesh.

That moment when I was in the middle of the ceremonial rituals of Sesha did I realise "What it matters the most in life?"."Nothing matters in life as life in itself is a worthy possession.In the curious race of glorious achievements and glamorous attention, the silent passage of life is not embraced by many.When often asked "What's your purpose in life?"I have come out with an answer of "Not just surviving but living is the purpose of my life".And as on date,as I turn back and look upon the hard rocked path with rose petals travelled so far,I could say all that regrets doesn't matter any more as I have got the gifted opportunity to live today.As many vanishes into the vastness of space,I am thankful as I have been blessed with many beautiful friends and memories and cherished parents.In the vast expanse of the Universe, though not every death affects you, let's not forget that we are but descendants of one species and what more reason do we need to fill love  and less hatred.The post be ended with a little wish for ourselves,thankfulness for all that we have had and a prayer to  those who we miss in particular Sesha. Rest in peace...

Not a live in relationship!!!

In your life,you're mad

In your car,you're sad,

O'you're taller,I've found,

Hold your fire course,

O'you are fallen out,

Go and sow your courses....

Bedtime can be a perfect time for one's self realisation.The journey we undergo everyday and the hope that things will be fine during our next wake up is in itself a blessing.

As the hustle of a tough day see its dusk,the demands of my supporting body parts were met with a stretched body lying on the cot with the window view of a thunderous rainy night.An aroma of mixed flavour enthralled my nostrils with a pleasant sight.The sight of the lightening crossing across my window;the blackened sky appeared as if it is bleeding white along its mid vein.BEAUTIFUL...

The sound of music with a 'plop' flashing of rain water running into the gutter  was more pleasing than other rampant elctronicas.Above all these were the thunderous dancing which jolted my bed now and then.The well lit lady love sky showered my window sill with a fragrance of innocence.Most often wondering about the patterns of life, still, did my eyes fall on those two beings amidst the 'plop' 'plop' of the running water. My lessons in wildlife were weak so I wasn't able to interpret what was it except  that they were from the family of Aves(Birds).Pleasingly they were sitting on the compound wall ,happily exchanging affection by all sorts of body signs.This is Nature and you feel connected to it only when you enjoy its voices.

I wished I watch the milky painted sky vividly and I thought I should make my move to the terrace.By the time I made a 'cat like' walk to open the main door without the slightest noise, the widely poring sky started to narrow her eyes and drizzled only with a mild smile."Take an umbrella" said my mom. Nevertheless, the instruction was ignored with an "Ok Amma" answer and I moved to the terrace. Perhaps,I was involved much about learning the nature these days rather than enjoying it.The pseudo limitations engulfed upon myself vanished when I reached the terrace.

Little did I care about the rest of the world when the mildest wind started its uproar over my body with a gentle kiss on my eyes.That was the kiss from mother Nature.A kiss that transcends you.Later when I jolted down my memories I realised that the best part of my life was those with that of nature.The birds which I saw earlier outside my room flew over the antenna with a screeching sound.I assumed they were happy and wish the sinusoidal mindset of mine be fixed to that gentle kiss.The drizzle slowly dried away my worries and back there I saw the path so far travelled under the cloudy sky.By the time I started to laugh at myself  over the failures, the dark cloud up above the sky moved away to some other place to provide that enlightened feeling to some other soul living in the near by town.

I just remembered those days when the connection of each  men with nature was so strong.We call them Childhood and in the 'rat race' of life very often do we get alluded by monumental appraisal rather than the nature.Amidst the hifi apartments and the 'Jio' world of augmented reality, lies the Nature with her smiling face shrinking inch by inch.Little do men know about the connection between his style of living and the "shrinking" smile of nature.A paid moon lit dinner and a paid under tree nap have now easily become the pseudo ecstatic way of civilised living.Synthetic coconuts with a "selfie twitterati" have become the "Go green" code of 21st century.Beyond political agreements and corporation road pitfalls, I realised, the mind of mine failed to look the "half filled" glass with an optimistic attitude.Only after having gained sleepless nights of 'hot summer' in Chennai, did I vow to make less use of plastics and synthetic items.

However, though  a little late but never lately realisation this year ended in a "Green Diwali" by planting a dozen saplings near my residence. Understanding that "Nature" and I are not in a live in relationship where no strings attached ,made my little mind to vouch for an ever bonding commitment.Keep smiling and stay connected-My dear nature.