"I have a dream"...John F Kennedy
This is no dream but a reality for all those trying to find the right pace in life."Bounce back" will be the advice given by near and dear. but remember, it always comes with a huge price tag.Sometimes you need to let go of the things you hold dear and for sure if meant to be, they come back to cheer you up whenever needed.An occasion not cherished by my gathering but in mind and heart it leaves a mark.
It was around 3'o clock in the morning and my thoughts were on the other side of my recent past decision of involving myself completely for my ambition. Worried...Yes I was, because,repeated failures and the dream still appears far. Sometimes,I imagine,my life would have been better had I continued my other way of life rather than taking up the responsibility of running up things in my own way.But then when it was 3:20 AM, my illusionary thoughts vanished.
"Ambition is believing in yourself even when no one else in the world does"~Lincoln
The 'duo' within gave me the much words of comfort and my mind went back to the conversation I had with my mentor before his last breath.It was on Dec 21,2014,when I last met my mentor Prof.Seshadri,a man in his late eighties.Wasn't that not a huge difference in both age and outlook?Certainly not,like he always said"When you want wisdom look in the old,when you want happiness look to the kid".Very True.I never knew that it would be my last meeting with him,but I believe he certainly did.His words and arguments were at the best during our 1 hour 45 minute conversation.
Having decided to quit my job and concentrate fully on my ambition of entering the civil services and serving the needy, I met him over dinner.
"So you've decided to quit your job and take this path.What makes you think that you'll succeed?".
For a guy like me who looks for inspiration from world wide,the very first punch delivered by my mentor was heavy and that shackled the inner ego.But does self ego accept defeat easily? Never, for a normal man.So I didn't give way to the prudence and replied "Sir,this is the path I have decided.I believe I can and so I will.."
"Consider you became a civil servant.What then Ram?" asked Professor.
I was already prepared for this question."I believe I can serve the society by becoming one sir.A dream I have always had and still have...",he cut me in the mid-sentence saying "So you say non-civil servants don't serve the society and your elite civil servants alone do this work??" Professor replied.One strange thing I have always admired my mentor for was his theory of contradiction.Unlike Mao's "Theory of Contradiction",his was unique because it pokes you and ultimately your inner voice will be spelt out in words in front of him.So I was giving my explanations for whatever he was throwing back at me.Finally came the words of wisdom for which I approached him.
Last Note:
"Ram,I am an octogenarian,having lived a complete life.Unlike your generation we weren't given enough opportunities.Nor were we put into heavy competition.We took our life lightly and sincerely and every wisdom we earned was by living it right.I've already told you,your strength and weakness both are your firmness in mind.Two years back when I asked you not to decide about your future partner then,you said the doors are closed and you prefer living alone.This stand is so hard and only time shall have its say about your preference Ram.I've known you since the age of 12.Adaptability to work within a team without compromising your self motivated virtues is the greatest task.It's a leader's quality.I believe you're still a team player with all these qualities within and trying hard to find your next level.I am happy for that.But,before deciding to become a civil servant,have you ever thought of the qualities you should be assured to have to become one?.Knowledge apart.Your deeds and virtues should speak volumes Ram.I have only one word of advice for you Ram.Keep improving your personal life with grit and qualities that you ought to cherish within.And by doing so,I can never guarantee that you clear the exam and become a civil servant,but,I do assure that you will become a man and live life beyond these exams.The "years of heaven",I quote as, is between the ages of 25 and 30.Any man who hold his strength close and improve his inner power within this period is for sure to emerge as the one he wants to be.Career,Partner,Power and Pain all will be in a sinusoidal form in this period.Make sure you enjoy the wave and not be drifted away.Make those years count Ram.Since your teenage I have asked you to stick to one "Don't die with your music within.Dance to your tunes;many may not hear it but you do and in the end it's all worth.So come now let's have the dinner"
Those,certainly were golden words and they keep ringing all times .After his demise,I wasn't able to find a personality of his gesture to guide me.Or,to state the truth,I wasn't willing to accept any.But life has its way,the year that followed gave a "heavenly experience" of hellish failures.Being able to look the green side,I was lucky to find inspiration from my fellow mates Anand,Shashank,Shakkan,Ramesh,Aashna and others.This post ,from my point of view is not a "stay positive" note.It's for no special reason but on a personal note to create that sense of happiness within me and overcome a "bad day".Call it selfish but after all it's life and I am living.
