INTO THE DEPTHS - HYPOCRISY

"You and I are like mirrors facing the other giving -The Infinite reflections"~Shri

The shore was calm and the air was dry. The blue patch of extensive sky had already
found cover

under the dark night. Like a missing pearl from the anklet, the silver moon shone brightly.Neither

Shreyas nor Keerthi were in the mood to enjoy the nature that surrounded them.The wound was

deep and never had it chance to heal.A little nod and a little talk was all that needed to break the

ice.But that little now seemed to be so large between them.Drifted hearts now want the mending.All

that is required now is the amendment of the Ego monster.

“So, how’s Noida?” Keerthi sucked in the air and finally let the words out.

“Not bad..Getting used to” was the prepared reply from Shreyas.

The saddest part of human maturity is its inability to exhibit it in the most simplest life

moments.When it comes to love,we are oddly sordid and evenly immature.The wall was meant to

be broken but neither Sheryas nor Keerthi know the how.

“You asked me to come Shrey..I mean we decided to sort this out while we texted right??”

“Yea..Yea..right..I will put it point blank Keerth.I do have the vacuum of your absence.But since our

drift,I have learned to live along with it.”

“Mmm..”

“And..you did find someone else too..I believe you are finding your solace which was not provided

by me..”

“Shrey..You know what I was going through.You didn’t stay by my side when you were needed the

most..”

“I did try.But my presence within your visible perimeter disturbed your peace.Remember Keerthi?

You said these exact words.What do you expect me to do? I gave the space you needed most.”

“All I needed then was a word from you.I believed that no matter how worse things escalate you will

still hold the ground”

“Keerthi..this is again out of anxiety and anger Keerthi.Remember our earlier days ,where we

decided that we respect each of our private space..I just gave that”

Empty spaces in a relationship!!Are they meant to be left void or should be mended with care?None

knows.Contradictions and polarities in a relationship are two end of the same rope.You have to hold

one and let go of the other to keep the balance.But we conveniently hold the one end

of the rope and let the other one lose as and when we feel like.

“Shrey..I am sorry that I went out of place and met someone when in distress.But, I do realise now

the difference between the need and want.I need you and that’s all I can say.”

Shreyas had that empty smile and came close to Keerthi.All said and done he didn’t develop a

hatred.All he had was angst.He loved her hard and let go of her even harder.Ego when known had it

won makes you act crazily.A mock, a sarcasm and a victorious anger were all trademark signs of a

winning ego.Blessedly,Shreyas didn’t display any of these.

“Keerthi..I am self centred and you know that.But I am a practical person too.I wish this had not

happened.But no matter what,I don’t want to be burdened by the past and the thought of you

leaving me.Yes,it is possession and let that be.I am hurt but I find it hurting more of seeing you gone

.So I choose you and we shall begin again..I love you..”

Keerthi had no words to say and was beyond overwhelming.The ego wall was now amended by the

little confession and the realisation made by Keerthi.Love was in the air and the two happily lived NOT

 FOREVER…

Happily lived…For a couple of months until the divorce took place.

Love is easy.Romance is not.We all love our pets but we don’t romanticise with them.Romance is Love

 plus the exaggerated inner fear of possession.Most of the time love plus drama can be the simple

 definition for romance.We love all but romance with one.Though the ego wall was amended by

 the confession,hypocrisy had it all .Had Shreyas too played his bet on the table and confessed his affair

 for solace.!!!

Seeking a purpose in relationship is futile.Trying to bridge the gap of our own hypocrisy shapes the

purpose of relationships.It’s a simple reflection of your self.All said and done the world is a

hypocrite!!

INTO THE DEPTHS- FACADE

 "Yes, we have met a hundred times... But as strangers"~Shri

                                          FACADE

"Death made its second visit to that house.Perhaps it liked being in that house.The front gate was wide open and a counted few declared their mourning.Shaaji appeared as if he has gone for an unwakable sleep.Quiet,peace and serene.The home had its authentic decor-like the one done in Polynesian style.A samoan styled circular top with wooded roofing and grass outside.There was where Shajji slept peacefully during his days in the earthly world.Now its going to be a permanent departure.Shajji's soulmate or that's how he thought in his cranny head.-Renita aka Reni.Reni passed away a couple of years back.That was death's first visit.Aunty and uncle were broken to their root and Shajji succumbed to depression.I heard Ram saying that Shajji didn't eat for nearly 2 weeks not even water.And there's where the facade began.

Ram didn't even think twice to fly all the way from Paris for Shajji's funeral.He was very close to him.Or may he had the guilt of reason behind Reni's death.It could be neither too.But that's where all the facade began.Since then,Ram as always was responsible but he became too far from being lovable.We have had arguments,discussions and quite a lot of cuddling too.But,Ram is still far.We even discussed his relationship with Reni and how they parted ways.I thought the chapter was closed and Ram is such a one to cut the solution to binary.So it was all clear.But since Shaaji's arrival and Ram's bonding with him, Ram isn't the old one.It was all a facade and it still startles me.

Ram and I dated for good two years.We literally finish each other's sentences.My mom is like his own and I am my in-law's daughter.Though appears Utopian,we had a perfect relationship.When I see my friends getting separated ,I have always believed that things in relationship were solvable when you tune with open conversation.Because ours was such.But now,little by little we are getting untuned.It can't be put in words .We have met a thousand times but now we are meeting as strangers in our relationship.This untold and unseen nature of Ram is not bearable.I can see him going through the grief and his need of support.But why don't he confide on me? Sometimes its better to be told that one is loved than to express in action.Ram has stopped doing that but yet doesn't stop surprising me with moments.Somewhere a cold wall separates us.

Shiv,I hope you understand that Ram may not be aware that I am struggling with all these thoughts.I even thought of visiting Dr.Priya our psychiatrist and his class mate.But I believe that I better share with a known person before consulting a doctor.Is it my own thought that Ram isn't doing enough or am I co-relating unnecessary coincidences.This need to be sorted before out of reach Shiv.I hope you understand".

Shruti completed the handwritten letter and looked for the nearest post office to be sent to Shiv.

Paris is a beautiful city and had an admirable art and culture.When he first wrote his book titled "Shrutified",Ram described a lot about Paris.He was then living there.As he moved to India and settled with Shruti,life was a pleasant exercise.And he maintained it well.In the recent days, post his 33rd birthday,Ram had a lookback on the journey and it was an awakening.His precious gifts Shruthi and his mom held his back hiding their suffering.An easy give and take relationship had become a "take and utilise" relationship".Lost in the thought of the guilt of chauvnist,Ram made a wall and decided to be independent.Very less or nothing was expected from his partner.The thought of "Individualism" took over and the common space was shrinking under his feet.That ain't a facade but a phase of love losing its ability of expression.

Ram returned from office and his face held that smile of peace.A calm dinner was followed by a chess game.Both were silent and Ram's face still had that smile.Shruti was wondering whether Shiv had told Ram about the thoughts running in her mind.The night was silent wondering who shall the be the first to break this silence.

"Beach ride?" Ram asked.

"Today? Not  the weekend.You need to wake up early right?" Shruti knit the rope of choice.

"May be we have been meeting a lot , but feeling as strangers" Ram quoted the words written by Shruti in Shiv's letter.

"So you know?"

"Yup.I also know that its not a facade but a phase.Should have talked earlier.A bit disappointed that it came through Shiv" said Ram

"Whom should I talk to? Ram doesn't need to be disturbed and Shiv is the only person left" sulked Shruti

"Ok Mrs.Shruti ShivRam.Let's go to the beach.I shall drive"

"Right.Get me an ice cream Mr.Shiv Ram " said she and the facade broke.

"Fine.Just wrote a letter and a poem.Do you want to read now or later?"

"Now.." smiled Shruti.

In the darkness

You help me find a spark

The sweetest soul with the kindest heart

If only you could see you the way I do

You’d see the sunshine and it’s beautiful

I’ve died a thousand times for you

Walked a million miles for you

I’d live and still be dead, you see

If you’d be living without me

I am Shrutified forever.

INTO THE DEPTHS- THE LATTER HALF

 "He left on a no-moon day shunning the brightness of the unseen moon not knowing that when seen in full, the moon always gave its joy of love to rejoice"~Shri

"Back then, do you think , had we been together, our lives would have been different??" Pratheeksha asked.

"Prat, c'mon, you always said not to make assumptions.Why do you need to recall now?" Ajoy said smiling.

"But still,you could have waited or atleast...anyways leave it..we wouldn't have been happier together either.."

"Prat..do you really wanna ruin this trip? Cmon we have moved on..different times different phases..Let's see  the 'now' here.."

Madrid was not good as it was expected to be.Bunol which is a three hour drive from Madrid was the spot for the gathering.The occasion was for the Tomatina festival with a group that had travelled from India.Universe has its own way of playing the ploy of love.Prat and Ajoy who parted ways had no idea that they would be a part of the travelling group.Prat was considered an introvert and lonesome traveller and Ajoy a happy go by boy.

The former half..

"You don't see what I am talking about.Eventually you will knit pick on matters that you agree today and then it will be a big disaster.."Ajoy was in no mood for extending the conversation.

"Do you even see the crux of this argument Ajoy,it doesn't matter, because we like and love each other",Prat said unapologetically.

"Of late, Prat, don't you think that you're forcing yourself into situations which you need yourself to.That is the problem.I see you are becoming someone and that too for me, I can't handle that Prat"

"You don't see the point Ajoy or perhaps you never wanted to.You feel just like anyone else in this world and need for the love and care;True that you want to be yourself and so do I.But I see the us..."the mid sentence was yet to be ended by Prat.

"It's Over.I am trying my level best.Somehow the thread is lost and its not possible to wind that up.Let's leave "

Love and relationships, easily can be called as the mid life crisis phase.Especially, when you feel like you own your life unfazed by any situation,the choices you have bring along with it a sense of fear too.In choosing our better half, humans of this generation appear more cautious than any other being on earth.The primary missing factor of acceptance combined with the cynic psyche due to extra  bombardment of informations actually takes the charm of curiosity and gives a niche to the newly formed relationships.

The latter half:

The two pair of eyes did meet but not like before.The pair of hands did yearned for the dearest holding but not like before.Ajoy looked deep into Prat and said, "Circumstances..Right decisions at wrong time..but then its ok Prat..Moved on"

With a wry smile waded with passage of time, Prat said, "Some decisions are beyond control.When looked retrospectivelty, you realise that, but then Ajoy, we missed being on that same boat"

Humans are born with the inner vaccum of incompleteness.Searching for self neither in the pleasures of life,nor in the shades of inward travel bears fruit.You accept the incompleteness and graciously bow to the Almighty TIME with no weapons of ego,pride,individuality etc.Of all the depths in your life, Love is the deepest and you realise it only in the LATTER HALF.

DREAMS ON FIRE

 "You are the laughter from childhood dreams..

   You are the faith when I need belief...

   You are where I belong..

   You are the soothing feel in my soul.."

She just found that corner seat in the last row of the bus.Before the blaze that rushes for the windowsill she wanted to have that seat badly.As time tickled away, she got a quick glance of the atmosphere and sat at the seat just like a queen on a diamond throne.

"How does it feel Diya?..Just to be yourself.Unslained by the bubbling scuffles of thought continum."

"Who are you? And why do I need to answer you?"

"I am someone whom you have known since birth.But not now though..Anyways..How do you like it? Just to be yourself? Unslained.."

"I have always been myself.Just as always.No impersonations..Impromptu and Independent.."

The breeze of the evening wind waded down the transverse windows of the bus.So did Diya's mood and her fellow being's smile.Some journeys in life are never meant to be forgotten for you do it only once.Nevertheless, such journey can happen in a crowded bus?? Wonder!! why not??

The downhill journey from Trivandrum to Shencottah was a belly dancing sweep.You never feel the rumbling noise external to you once you set the eyes on the moving nature.Diya who was in her later 30's got into that immersive feeling..

"So Diya? You still haven't answered my question.? How does it feel to.....?

"Just shut up and let me enjoy this moment..These are such beautiful places to add weightage to my portifolio"

"Oh..I see..The immersive experience you are having is the one for your portifolio..Good good..So I believe you are all by yourself"

"Do I need to say again..? I am all by myself ..Impromptu and Independent.."

As the bus took a hairpin bend turn, Diya saw the park named "Little Angels"..The nearby tea shop next to the hairpin bend was the usual "turn off" engine spot for the driver. Millennials might have the greatest pinnacle paths to be made in science, but the elder generation had their pinnacles rooted with moments and nature.Diya was a 90's kid and somewhere adopted a hybrid lifestyle with the grooves of the demanding system.

"Little Angels" was a welcoming park for kids.As Diya walked through the park, she remembered Oscar Wilde's "The Selfish Giant" and Ms.Maud Roger's faithful recital of the poem Lochinvar.She felt that something within her had changed or even lost.The grandeur of Lochinvar and the love of his for Ellen was all that she celebrated in her childhood days.Diya's memoirs just painted the picture of her kitten stories and the guardian angel she imagined herself to be.

Something within her broke and she knew that all these memoirs are a pain locked wallet which can neither be spent nor thrown away.She doesn't want to relive those memoirs which can never be true.Diya,an independent lady, a celebrity photographer,an ardent individual wasn't able to cultivate these memory verses into a logical poem.Tears filled as she looked up the "Little angels" park with welcoming wide open arms.

"So Diya..You still believe you are all by yourself?"

"I don't know..I am successful,independent and a go-by woman wanted to do the right things.."

"I see.You realise what you have lost all through these years of your so called intellect and borrowed logical life"

"No..I don't know..who are you? why do you follow me throughout??"

"I am the lost one..Or rather the pain locked wallet..Or the make belief joy you had..I am the INNOCENCE you lost in this accelerated path of life"

"You are my waking dream

You are all the thrill to me

You are the magic in the world I see.."And the journey continues.. 

ART OPINION:KADASEELA BRIYANI

 "The wall of fear and the fear of existence", that's how the movie sums up the chaos theory with the voice over of actor Vijay Sethupathi.

Kadaseela Briyani(KB) is a movie that has to be placed on a rack higher in the shelf because of its multi genre screen play and plot plan.If you take up the revenge theme with which the movie begins up in the first oddly 25 minutes, you get hooked up by the reason for the revenge.Unfortunatley there's no such elaborate flashbacks which justify this revenge.But, you get a much more satisfactory watch as the movie dives into the twist and a simplified psycho second villain.From there on the movie becomes an existential chaos filled with beautiful shots and a regulated randomness of story telling.

Thanks to Nishanth Kalidindi for a debutant movie of mixed genre.When I watched the movie I believed that the writer duo(Nishanth and Vivekanand) would have had the inspirational influence from directors like Tarrantino & Kumararaja, as the story world though interesting is a bit distant for the viewer.Its like a fantasy tale with no super hero but with likely impossible life events.But then,cinema is all about that and the kudos to the writers for doing it that way.

A definite applause to the cast and crew.Hashim Shah portrays a young man with psychotic nature.The other three main characters played by Vasanth Selvam,Vijay Ram and Dinesh Mani has an idiosyncrasy attached to them.This causes the humour with wit and downplays the stronger revenge violence theme which these characters were supposed to play.Clever writing and captured acting by these men.

With the spoiler alert, KB tells the tale of 3 men wanted to avenge for their father's death.The elder brothers have vein of violence while the youngest apparently that of a pomeranian dog (as said in movie's voice over).In the plot to kill the man for their avenging,they encounter a even greater villain ,the psychotic son of the first villain.In the twists and turns that happen around with Lime soda granny and the alive man from the coffin box, what happens to these three men is the story of KB.

Special mentions to the cinematographer for the long shots and the spacious cut scenes.Here and there I was reminded of the movie Kala(Malayalam movie starring Tovino Thomas) and the movie Joji(starring Fahadh Fassil).The pompous beauty of Kerala explored with the wide angle and the bird eye shots suits the underlying theme of the movie.

The background score does its job as to elevate the tightness of the screenplay.The eerie sounds during the kidnap and the thrush chills during the climax helps to keep the movie hooked to the tone.Thanks to Vijay Sethupathi too for the movie begins with his voice over and has a cameo done by him at the end.Overall,for the offbeat movie lovers KB is an experience to watch some interesting stuff and expand their horizon of film watching.