Paranoia-A sign of apology !!!!

"“The trouble is not that I am single and likely to stay single, but that I am lonely and likely to stay lonely"

Sometimes you need a way bound thinking to understand the concept of real expectation.The passage of life time as such gives you a  chance by then and there to stop  and listen to your original 'you'.So one such incident put in my own way .

...No matter how hard you try you'll be never able to fly high even though you're dropped from a flying copter.Yes.Same is the awkwardness of mine.I expected a change to leave back all worries at homeland.But,No...the seasons have come and gone but the weather of pain stays deep inside.Its been an year since I wrote stuff from my heart.  And this is for my childhood redeem.

"Shri...cmon yaar", Matt's voice was loud.

My mind was far away mingling with  the deepest buried good thoughts.Man's curious nature have created enough chaos to the nature.Sometimes,I give a second thought taking a step forward to fall in love,get married ,get a hike in pay,go to a pub on a weekend and die a day all of a sudden.My complex cerebro always have put me in an intuitive recreation process.There's nothing called impossible but only untried.No matter the  places you go,you always find people only of two kind: One who dies and lives  ,One who lives and dies.

If you've a  keen look at the two extremely opposite pattern of human life,you perhaps then have to stay neutral.Neither of the pattern can be put on a comparative mode.Deep and beyond practical thinking justifies the first pattern of living,whereas the common thought of a "A Happy day to Die" justifies the latter.The point I'm trying to make here is not about defining the pattern of life but about the purpose. A life of purpose is the purpose of life itself.If this is realized,peace then may prevail  on earth.

"So..Shri..your mind thoughts  are over??"

"Matt...how is that you become a genius whenever it comes to the process of advising me??!!"

"C'mon  psycho boy...so,how are you  now?? You seem to have become an extrovert these days!!'

"Ya..'The Wedding' changed me.I wasn't  serious about marriage then .But later I realized that for humans who follow the "live and die" pattern,the event is marked as the most significant one.Say ,one for a life time"

"Oh..There's the sober behind that smile.Brief me dearie..How all of a sudden your opinion changed??"

"Aren't you supposed to be asleep now?Its 10 past 12."

"No,my atta boy..I've got all the time in the world.Oblige me."

"Okay..There you go..A little flash back.You remember Rathika,my childhood friend.?!"

"You have told about her.19 years of friendship right?"

"Yes.But  now I am feeling a bit or rather a lot uncomfortable to talk with my sis"


"Why..because she got married??"

"C'mon  Matt..we aren't those friends who come and go for time pass.we are good and we have the  underlying concept of 'Say no word but understand' ".

"But then  what??"

"But then this.I've hurt her.I later realized that certain philosophical ideas of mine tend to hurt people unseemingly in a tender way.You know very well  that I don't like birthday parties and more often a casual spent on a hotel.My idea is seemingly different.You very well know that.But then at the same point,in all unique ways it hurts the people around me.So in a dilemma,I believe that the happiness of surrounding  people makes you happy and henceforth  I go with them"

"But does that make you really happy??"

"In a way or so, 'NO',I go against my  nature"

"Say about Rathika now"

"Right.I was on a vacation ,a vacation particularly took for the purpose of attending her wedding.I arrived a 

day before her marriage. As you're aware Nagercoil is not a merry making town for me.I have my cave hidden there and it better remain hidden.I haven't got any idea about the marriage ceremony,You know my childhood Matt.Pretty hard days.My best friends are " me,me and myself".So not attending her reception was not considered by me as a serious ill.But then the morning text from her made me realize  that I had hurt her.She was expecting my presence"

"Yes.Dumbo..You deserve a serious punishment"

"I agree.But c'mon Matt..All in my life I've considered myself to be the lone walk guy.Even in my working places,friends,   I believe, do not consider me serious.I have even hear some say that "Whatever you do,you're not gonna be considered serious".My home buddy Ram says the same.So I wasn't expeccting myself to  be the expected guest at her wedding.Well I can't say that for an excuse either.Marriage in my consideration is(was) generally an outliving showoff to carry on a relationship for the passage of the God's messengers(kids)"

"Ah..!!The philosophy again.Not today Mr.Paranoia..Better check Menon for an appointment.And wake up now..Its 5'o clock..Your suprabatham is ringing loud"

Dream over...

NEVER AGAIN IN....

"Breathe without you....But I have to
 Never wanted this,never wanna see you hurt...
 People are people and sometimes it never works out...
 Breathe without you....But I have to...."

8:20 PM- April 16

Karthik switched ON his samsung galaxy.A popup messsage read,"Sorry to say this da,our friend Kevin expired last night..".Karthik was perplexed.He was keeping tabs with his friends.The once famous friendship circle for which he was known for had now shrunk to the level of clean water in the nostalgic chennai adayar river.The phone calls then made were just that of conforming consolation.Kevin...the one who spoke to karthik ,the week before was no more. Karthik saw this coming but was unaware of this early occurence.

'What max you could do? Cry for a night?? a week??.Life moves on Kart"-consoling words from Ram with whom Karthik had earlier planned to have his dinner.

The finest and the foulest events in life happens not by our choice but by the random pattern of Universe.The more you try to understand,,the more you become a less sociopath.

Considering himself as a high time sociopath,Karthik just gave in a deep breath and said whimpering,"You'll be missed Kevin..".Nothing more..the emotions entered there.

Emotions when succumbed inside due to environmental interactions,always thrusts out with high octane gas pressure.

10.00 PM-April 16

Summer time in chennai is always welcomed with increase in price of air coolers,rise in price of tender coconut and ofcourse an ardent repudiation of the running government power cuts. Karthik,still was in a sober mood and was alone upstairs whilst his parents were having dinner.Consolation conforming calls followed and along came the message ,"She got engaged Karthik...A relative of her's doing..." all the blah blah...But,nothing was heard after the first sentence.A blanked out world with perplex around.

9:45 AM-April 20

She was wearing black and blue combo attire. Karthik was in his white and blue jeans."Hey I haven't seen you for the past weeks...Busy??"-asked the girl with her 'mm' smile.

"Hmmm..yeah!I was a bit occupied.But..excuse me..do we know each other..?"

"Guess..yes..I have seen you atleast a dozen times there,sitting upstraight in that corner and reading till late evening.."

"Yes..I come here on week ends.."

"Hmmm..I know...I have seen you..A couple of times in IIT too"

"Ya..I had a couple of friends there"

"Okay..I am Anushya...Shweta's junior..You are karthik right..."

"Right...Thanks..if you don't mind shall I meet you by the corridor.I have these books to be arranged""

"Ya..sure..ciao downstairs.."

Having got to know about each other the contact was then on through mail.Karthik's secluded life was now and then intruded by the new breeze across

10:30 PM-May 4,Station Road,Santacruz station,Mumbai

"Kart,this is too much..You better should've stayed in chennai..You come here with the 'gang-bang'group & yet you prefer to put up a dignified face.You think you're a saint?? Idiot.."-Ankita was as good as a philosopher when it comes to the matter of advising Karthik.

"What do you want Matty?? I am enjoying.Keeping my mouth 'mum' doesn't mean I am out of mood.Just put your untuned voice off"

'Listen..none here matches your intellectual ability..We all are aware that you are gifted..Idiot you deserve better man..Just let it go...Certain things are beyond control"

"Thanks..Am perfectly on due course and let not my personal be discussed here Matt..'

'Take care Karthik..We all are here"

"Thanks Matt.."

The breeze now started blowing across..But NEVER AGAIN IN....

SCIENCE AND RELIGION-Chapter 1

"Maturity and the art of wisdom comes when you move from the state of existence to the state of emptiness"

Battle continues...So after months of struggle to locate the position for me to stand, I chose the path of good. The life that followed then seemed more rugged than what I expected. Now the state I am in is a more complicated state. Its the reality versus the illusion. Science says that all  things that originated upon earth can be considered to be made up of matter. With my recent work in quantum physics ,I learnt that when a matter is created ,an equally powerful co-existing anti matter is also created but this anti matter is invisible(research still continues to explore the nature of this anti matter).Now to the human existence...

Talent comes not from within but by practice:

                        The human brain is considered to be made up of approximately 100 billion neurons which controls all kinds of emotions and also determines the trigger which elicit the feelings such as love, lust, anger, hatred etc. The appropriate neurons when rightly triggered can be made a bit stronger or weaker. This is the reason why on seeing a cute girl most of the guys feel a bit attracted. Not because their moral characters are bad but their apparent neuron interactions are high. The medicos call this as neuro- plasticity. Science says, virtually any sort of talent can be created through training. Rationality and emotional resilience work the same way. Whatever you are doing at any time ,you are physically modifying your brain to become better at it.

 

Neuro God

Specific neurons and neurotransmitters such as norepinephrine trigger a defensive state when we feel that our thoughts have to be protected from the influence of others. The primitive part of the cerebro interferes with the rational thinking and then the limbic system can knock out most of our working memory. This is the reason for the narrow mindedness of most of the people. And the reverse happens at the point of relaxation or when being appreciated, ”the dopamine transmission”, activating the reward neurons thereby reducing the state of threat.

 

Serotonin and Life:

Self esteem and self belief are closely linked to the neuro transmitter Serotonin.So when I feel stressed or sod or sometimes  with eluded thought of suicide,it is not because that I had a broken up love,not because I live alone ,not because my childhood days were of extreme torture but because of my body failing to synthesize Serotonin.

Normative Social Influence:

Environment forges the ethical and moral behavior of all humans.A rape or a molestation cannot be considered a crime when this environmental factor ceases.All moral existence is considered to be validated by the environment we live in.You and I are forced or in the worst case made used to live in the very existence of fear of the society.One may pose a self defiant question to me asking”Why do you then fear the society having known all these?”..Well,the answer is simple.It is in the empathetic neurons that makes me self reflect.This is the reason why certain universal tradition like wearing clothes or bathing or even the fear of early physical relation is considered with a discern look.You feel the way I feel and so this becomes a Universal law.

The mirror neuron does not know the difference between it and others.This is the reason why we are so dependent on social validation and why we want to fit in.A constant duality of seeing ourselves and others.

Why am I called a robot??

   With years of practice and triggering out every feeling that others can pour upon me under all kinds of dramatic situation ,I now am self-aware that these emotions can be misplaced because the thoughts that create them can be controlled.My memories now are liable when retrieved and restored because of this neuro-chemical consequence and protein synthesis.Self observing is what I do.The neo-cortical region was the target area and now I am learning to control it.When one become self aware of the concept called “Backward rationalisation”,he/she then will start looking for the answer to the unsolved emotions.

Cognitive Dissonance is the frustration caused by simultaneously holding two contradictory ideas.This happens when the transfer of information between the neurons become optimal when their activity is synchronized.

What is then called “Will power”??

Will is merely the drive to reduce dissonance between each of our active neural circuits.So it is not actually the dilemma under a situation  like”whether to talk to her or not”.It is actually that the corresponding neurons transmit the needed information with perfect synchronization.

Now ,the paradox of wanting purpose. While thinking that human existence is meaningless ,cognitive dissonance occurs.So the reaction now is “Spiritual vs Science”.The goddamn unsolved question “What am I ??”

Just as pixels on a screen can express themselves as a recognizable image when in unity,the convergence of neural interaction expresses itself as “Consciousness”.At every moment,we are infact a different image.A different image when mirroring,when  hungry or even when reading this.Every second we become different person.Nothing is external.

This is not a hypothetical property.Our selfish genes have come to promote reciprocal social behaviours in super organismal structures effectively discarding notion.”The survival of the Fittest”what we call the “Selfish tendency” is only a narrow interpretation of what self-serving behaviour entrails.

We are a global network of neuro chemical reactions.And the self amplifying cycle of acceptance and acknowledgement,sustained by the daily choices in our interactions,as the chain reaction that will ultimately define our collective ability to overcome imagined differences and look at life in the grand scheme of things…Search continues

My favourite quote:

“It is said that wisdom comes with age,but with openness and skepticism,the key principles of scientific method,we don’t need decades of trial and error to sort out,which of our convictions may be improbable.The question is not whether our beliefs are right or wrong,but whether or not being emotionally ,attached to them is more or less likely going to benefit us.The moment we are self aware enough to realize this,we can truly work together to figure out odds.”..

DREAM COME TRUE ???

"Am just a common man"-Santhosh was watching the movie "The Wednesday" on his 21" BPL T.V.(forget not to mention-the model was 2002).Santhosh,like many other fellow beings chose his career as a bank officer not because he loved his job but could spend more time for his social activity.Yes,he was an ambitious man since childhood.(Ambitious-a word that had to be searched in the dictionary of common man

"Somewhere ages and ages hence,
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood-And I
I took the one less travelled by,,
And that has made all the difference.."

He still remembered Robert Frost's-The Road not Taken.He used to imagine himself as the "SAVIOUR" to  help the  needy."And why not??With so many stars performing before camera,and you consider as  semi-God,Can an ordinary man not become a saviour??"-he used to argue with his counterparts.But those were school days.Now he is 32.

The movie ended. Santhosh saw his two children sleeping by his side.His wife was cleaning dishes in the kitchen."Tomorrow is the due date for paying the home loan" reminded  Nafeesa his lovable(loved) wife.Love marriage-another uproar middle class has to pay for.Santhosh didn't want to argue for he know how his life has changed."Loans,bills,medicines etc etc"...these have now become his daily visiting neighbour. Sometimes,he thought just to shake these things off and go on with his ambition.Next moment,"Papa..I need chocolate.."his mind would change.


The so called middle class of India still suffers from the dilemma-The twin minded problem.Sometimes it is YES and Sometimes it is NO.YES-to buy a Raymond-classic  for its look.NO-to wear it because it would lose its quality.Typical middle class thinking.Back to Santhosh now...


Santhosh,always have had this method of generating a blueprint.He always planned it in such a manner that he had atleast  2 alternate plans to execute."I am just 32.I have a B.E and MBA degree.So it will not be a problem.I shall resign tomorrow and start  my own business.No problem."-he told himself.With this mind set he was ready to go through his five stages of sleep,hoping that his REM dreams would make him a millionaire.


The brand new Audii was waiting to pick up "the chote" masters to droop him at school."Ciao Dad...shoved off the little kids and marched their way out forward out from the "Santhosh Bhavan".Santhosh's business was blooming.He now was in a position to  appoint even new managers.Money makes the world divided  in the shape of a "googolgon"So what next?? Obvious isn't it...

"Santhosh...last date to pay the loan due..don't forget..."..Dream disappears

Voice Within-5.False existence

Women's day-March 8

March 8'13-It was the International women's day.The day being Friday,I entered my office in my trendy casuals of white shirt and blue jean.HR team invited and treated the honoured people of the day with the candy.A gentle man who just  then passed by, enquired about this royal treating.He put up a long face and said with a wry smile,"Men..do we not deserve a day to celebrate??..The sad part of this world is that this has now become a world for women."I gently gave a smile to this gentleman for his misconception and started writing this  article as soon as I  reached my cubicle.Some may find it confusing cause my latter part of explanation is vague.I put in one line.Men and women by birth are two separate tombs(!) of human civilisation. By the then blending of so called culture, each being nourishes the opposite within.Its been said even in scriptures that each man has a character of the opposite gender inside and viceversa.

You can find common themes throughout many of the world’s religions: Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, as well as those that existed long before modern religious history. One of the more common motifs that appears cross-culturally is that of the virgin birth. We all know the story of Jesus and how he was said to have been born of a virgin. In Buddhism we also have the story of Buddha being born from his mother’s side. Both of these stories are simply ways of communicating a deeper truth.

The Virgin Birth

We’re usually taught to focus on the historical aspects of these births—what happened and whether somebody was or wasn’t a virgin. But this misses the point. If we just look at the historical facts of some religion and try to decide whether they’re right or wrong, we miss the significance of the teaching. These stories of virgin birth refer to the birth of that which is born without the coming together of opposites. Our human birth is the birth of opposites. It’s the coming together of male and female, and that produces a human being. Our humanness is a manifestation of the opposites, our hearts beating, opening and closing, our lungs breathing in and then out and then in and out. So our physical birth is always a birth of opposites, which is quite beautiful in and of itself. The whole world around us is the manifestation of opposites, no matter what its expression. But this notion of the virgin birth addresses our “second” birth, our birth after we were born. It’s the birth, in our consciousness, of a vision that’s not based in duality. These stories recognize that what we really are is in fact the source of all opposites, of both male and female, both this and that. It’s the birth of a unified vision right into this world of time and space.

Jesus’s virgin birth is trying to tell us that this person, Jesus, the Christ, was really a manifestation of what was beyond the pairs of opposites. And that person is also you. Certainly he had a human body and a human mind, just like you. In fact, he referred to himself as “the son of man.” Later, others began to refer to him as “the son of God.” Jesus knew that he had a human body and mind, and yet his consciousness was not of the world of opposites. The virgin birth points to our own awakening from the ego. At the moment of awakening, it literally feels like we’re being born again, or like something completely new and unexpected has shown up in our consciousness. It literally is a virgin birth—a birth not of duality, but a birth of nonduality, a birth of that which is far beyond all dualities.

Beyond the opposites

We don’t have to go a long way to find this virgin birth; we can investigate our experience right here and now. Like everything else in truth, it’s already present. If you look into this moment and become quiet and sensitive, you can intuitively feel that there’s something about you, right here and right now, that’s not definable as male or female, as this or that. There’s something about you that’s not definable at all. There is already a sense in you of that which cannot be defined by any words. That’s the consciousness that’s birthing itself into recognition, possibly at this very moment. It may start out as just a glimpse, a taste, a feel, but if you give great attention to it, a recognition dawns that there it is, in your experience right now.

The fact that our true nature is ultimately nondual is precisely why when we’re born into this material world we find ourselves attracted to our opposite. It doesn’t mean that all men are attracted to women, or all women are attracted to men, but if you really look at the deep intimate or romantic relationships of human beings, you’ll see that there’s often something in you that is attracted to your opposite, something that you don’t feel like you have. That’s our spirit’s deep desire for union, for coming together, for remembering our unified nature. Always there is that which is neither male nor female, but both and beyond. All you have to do is turn, right in the moment, into the depth of your own experience to see this. Let go of your mind trying to define anything, and you’ll see for yourself that what you really are is something beyond all definition.

Equal within

There’s a wonderful quote from a very famous Zen master called Huang Po. What it describes is the unity of spirit, that our truest nature is neither this nor that, but both. It also elegantly describes the natural nobility found in all of reality. To begin to experience the truth of what Huang Po is saying here, you must understand how he is using the word “mind.” He uses it in the way that we use the words “consciousness” or “spirit.” By “mind,” he’s not referring to the thinking process, but to the context in which all form, including thought itself, appears. He said: “Mind is the Buddha, and the Buddha is all living beings. It is not less for being manifest in ordinary beings, nor is it greater for being manifest in the Buddhas.” This is Huang Po’s way of saying that all is one, and whether it’s ordinary or extraordinary, it’s all an equal expression of spirit. It all has its ultimate value, ultimate goodness, and ultimate nobility. It doesn’t matter if it’s known or unknown. It doesn’t matter if it’s exalted or small, high or low. When we see with our eyes wide open, we see that everything intrinsically is an expression of divine reality and is filled with ultimate worth and value.Search continues..