Elixir of Lost Paradise-A Walk Not to Remember

"O' Dear little scavenging bird...

  Eat my body but not my eyes when I am dead,

             For I wish to see my beloved one last time..."

This was his favourite recital just before the May day of 2k-14.That was the day when he finally decided that no longer that living soul can be a part of his material life.Not only did that he decide but a 'never' to be keyed iron lock was put over that missing part soulful memories.Till date,never a moment of recap had drifted through his pre frontal column.An angel just flew by and consoled over his locked limbic portions of love and care.But then,it was only a phase of console offered in his long journey of life.Amiss definitely would that phase pass and he then was back to his occupation of the "blissed" missing.

But..now...today as his heartbeat was pulsating above the normal rate and his heavily built body  was floating with his steadfast legs,he visualised the sight that was not meant to be seen for the rest of his life.The missing part of the soul just reappeared within his line of sight but in the opposite direction.The part that departed under the then demanding circumstances of life and that which left him devastated forever ,now re-surfaced right in front of his eyes.

Luck..with due regards..the two pairs of eyes never met face to face.But,less luck was on his side for the only pair of eyes that was aware of this re-emerging soul was that of his and it definitely was his misfortune.Can the broken part really be fixed? Can the closed chapter be re-opened at this stage? No.The departed soul can never be fixed and that which lives can never be repaired.That departed soul which had held him together in his journey of completeness actually made a devoid within him.A vacuum that turned out stern with his social skills and inter persona.But no man achieves without inspiration and he was no exception.

Always knowing that everything will only be a part of one's life and when deliberately summed up will be a happy ending,his steadfast forward moving steps stopped for a minute.A deep breath and a mixed emotional involuntary water works from his eyes were the best suited reaction that his inner soul could respond with."A walk not to remember" was his inner voice echo and his deep moist eyes were visible as he removed his spectacles and started running in the opposite direction until he ensured that he was completely out from the  line of sight of that loveable soul.

                                                                                   ~From the diary of the lunatic poet

The Last Note..

"I have a dream"...John F Kennedy

This is no dream but a reality for all those trying to find the right pace in life."Bounce back" will be the advice given by near and dear. but remember, it always comes with a huge price tag.Sometimes you need to let go of the things you hold dear and for sure if meant to be, they come back to cheer you up whenever needed.An occasion not cherished by my gathering but in mind and heart it leaves a mark.

It was around 3'o clock in the morning and my thoughts were on the other side of my recent past decision of involving myself completely for my ambition. Worried...Yes I was, because,repeated failures and the dream still appears far. Sometimes,I imagine,my life would have been better had I continued my other way of life rather than taking up the responsibility of running up things in my own way.But then when it was 3:20 AM, my illusionary thoughts vanished.

"Ambition is believing in yourself even when no one else in the world does"~Lincoln

The 'duo' within gave me the much words of comfort and my mind went back to the conversation I had with my mentor before his last breath.It was on Dec 21,2014,when I last met my mentor Prof.Seshadri,a man in his late eighties.Wasn't that not a huge difference in both age and outlook?Certainly not,like he always said"When you want wisdom look in the old,when you want happiness look to the kid".Very True.I never knew that it would be my last meeting with him,but I believe he certainly did.His words and arguments were at the best during our 1 hour 45 minute conversation.

Having decided to quit my job and concentrate fully on my ambition of entering the civil services and serving the needy, I met him over dinner.

"So you've decided to quit your job and take this path.What makes you think that you'll succeed?".

For a guy like me who looks for inspiration from world wide,the very first punch delivered by my mentor was heavy and that shackled the inner ego.But does self ego accept defeat easily? Never, for a normal man.So I didn't give way to the prudence and replied "Sir,this is the path I have decided.I believe I can and so I will.."

"Consider you became a civil servant.What then Ram?" asked Professor.

I was already prepared for this question."I believe I can serve the society by becoming one sir.A dream I have always had and still have...",he cut me in the mid-sentence saying "So you say non-civil servants don't serve the society and your elite civil servants alone do this work??" Professor replied.One strange thing I have always admired my mentor for was his theory of contradiction.Unlike Mao's "Theory of Contradiction",his was unique because it pokes you and ultimately your inner voice will be spelt out in words in front of him.So I was giving my explanations for whatever he was throwing back at me.Finally came the words of wisdom for which I approached him.

Last Note:

"Ram,I am an octogenarian,having lived a complete life.Unlike your generation we weren't given enough opportunities.Nor were we put into heavy competition.We took our life lightly and sincerely and every wisdom we earned was by living it right.I've already told you,your strength and weakness both are your firmness in mind.Two years back when I asked you not to decide about your future partner then,you said the doors are closed and you prefer living alone.This stand is so hard and only time shall have its say about your preference Ram.I've known you since the age of 12.Adaptability to work within a team without compromising your self motivated virtues is the greatest task.It's a leader's quality.I believe you're still a team player with all these qualities within and  trying hard to find your next level.I am happy for that.But,before deciding to become a civil servant,have you ever thought of the qualities you should be assured to have to become one?.Knowledge apart.Your deeds and virtues should speak volumes Ram.I have only one word of advice for you Ram.Keep improving your personal life with grit and qualities that you ought to cherish within.And by doing so,I can never guarantee that you clear the exam and become a civil servant,but,I do assure that you will become a man and live life beyond these exams.The "years of heaven",I quote as, is between the ages of 25 and 30.Any man who hold his strength close and improve his inner power within this period is for sure to emerge as the one he wants to be.Career,Partner,Power and Pain all will be in a sinusoidal form in this period.Make sure you enjoy the wave and not be drifted away.Make those years count Ram.Since your teenage I have asked you to stick to one "Don't die with your music within.Dance to your tunes;many may not hear it but you do and in the end it's all worth.So come now let's have the dinner"

Those,certainly were golden words and they keep ringing all times .After his demise,I wasn't able to find a personality of his gesture to guide me.Or,to state the truth,I wasn't willing to accept any.But life has its way,the year that followed gave a "heavenly experience" of hellish failures.Being able to look the green side,I was lucky to find inspiration from my fellow mates Anand,Shashank,Shakkan,Ramesh,Aashna and others.This post ,from my point of view is not a "stay positive" note.It's for no special reason but on a personal note to create that sense of happiness within me and overcome a "bad day".Call  it selfish but after all it's life and I am living.

Murdered by chance-Chapter 2

Earlier:

Akshaya was found murdered in her house.Inspector Dutt investigates and so far has not found a skewed trace that ultimately could help him close the case.The prime suspects he ticked on were Jaggu(servant in Akshay's home who was found missing),college mates of Akshaya -Punit and Shravan and the unknown figurine named X-man who could be any..

Time: 7 pm on the same day of the murder.

The postmortem report read thus "Suspected timing between 12 am and 1 am.Cause for death is found to be a sharp cut in the jugular vein leading to lack of oxygen to brain.No case of semen traces found. A 'Y' shaped sybtle impression on the lordotic curve in the cervical spine which could have added further blockage of blood to the brain and unconsciousness at the strike"

The rest of the postmortem read about the blood clotting rate,counts of various fluids etc ,which Dutt had no interest in noting down.The last line of the postmortem read "The last intake of food is supposedly between 8:30 PM to 9 PM and no additional intake is recorded after the mentioned time".Dutt noted down the details and called the doctor who made the report. Dr.Rishi was quick to respond" No Mr.Inspector..definitely not an attempt of rape and not any trace of poison".Dutt thanked Dr.Rishi and hung up.The plot thickened more.

Neither the traffic police nor the IT techie enjoys the multitude aspects of job research.One controls the traffic and boots the social system by mastering the fear task parody.The other visualises the world via the connected web and performs his monotonous task for upgrading his/her career.But this is crime.A matter of life and if missed may be a matter of lives.Dutt's expertise in criminology gave him more room for the already ticked 'suspects list'.He now leaves to his room while listing out the possible persons involved.His next day investigation will begin with Punit.(refer chapter 1)

Today at 12 PM:

After wrapping up his investigation with Punit,a police constable was put on duty by Dutt to track him unknowingly.Dutt had an intuition that Punit might not be the one who murdered but definitely should know more about the incident.For the time being,he acted as if Punit was his prime suspect in order to get him to an open discussion.Dutt then drove back to the police station where he was informed about the affair of Mr.Pratap Rawat with Dr.Nirupama.Unfortunately Nirupama happens to be Akshaya Rawat's mentor for her studies and works in the same college of Akshara as a professor of cardiology.

"Wow..This definitely is going to be a case of excitement."-Dutt smiled on hearing this new information.

Dutt contacted his friend Ram who works as Assistant Superintendent of Police in the district of Lakhimpur,Assam.The reason was, Jaggu the missing servant belongs to Boginadi,a small village in Lakhimpur. Since Boginadi is a very small village Ram responded in three hours saying,"No traces of Jaggu since the date you said she was  murdered".Ok,now that was a vital information for Dutt.He recompiled his list again.

The brain works:

"One.Jaggu could be the prime suspect.He has not gone to his home town.Maybe he already should have known that he would be tracked if gone there.He haven't called his parents either.That is perfect 'zero in' answer for calling him the prime suspect"

"The next on list will be Shravan along with Punit. But since no signs of sexual assault reported,neither Punit nor Shravan have a strong motive to take the extreme step.Young guys commit heinous crimes only based on their testosterone pumping level.But may be, there could be another reason."

"Next on list ,is Dr.Nirupama.No specific reason but autopsy clearly mentions a well judged cut in jugular vein right above the trachea and a very subtle impression on the cervical spine.Trained experts alone can do it.But had she been that insightful,she should have gone for alternate method of medical poisoning.Further she has no specific motive to do this."

The thoughts of Dutt made his sleep a far reaching dream.In the mean time he suddenly recalled about the car that was complained as missing from Mr.Prakash's garage after the night of the murder.That too points towards Jaggu.Having faced enough pressure from his superiors in the past two days,he considered to fix his eye on Jaggu as the murderer and finally gasped a loud yawn before his sleep.

Dutt receives a call at the dawn hours from the constable Joseph "Sir..the car is found near Vasant Vihar bakery street and some jewels and a torn dress are found along with.Jaggu's voter id and a miniature size saw blade sir."

"Wait a minute..why would he leave the evidence blatantly and that too not very far from the scene of murder.!!!"-Dutt asked annoyingly.

                                          .............To be continued

Murdered by chance-Chapter 1

No clues ..not even a thread to tie the knot.Inspector Dutt was perplexed.A midnight murder and a suspected college mate and a missing servant.This case was getting more complex as the dusk rises.Twenty four hours and only one move so far for finding Jaggu. Where does this case lead to??

Earlier in the morning at 10:00 am:

Location:   ****** college.

"Mr.Dutt ...please...we have a reputation to keep.Let your investigations be outside the premises of teh college and I kindly request you to leave now"-Jyothirdha,the principal of the school pleaded to Dutt.

"Alright Mr.Jyothir,I would like to talk to Punit,a classmate of  Akshaya. Please inform his parents and ask them to be at home.Hope you don't mind joining me in taking him to home"-Dutt was at his best when he delivered those nuanced policing methods and walked right away towards his police vehicle.

One hour later at 11:00 am:

Location:Punit's house.

"So Punit..you met Ms.Akshaya Rawat yesterday at 6:00 pm after the college.You never texted or called her thereafter?!"-Dutt examined.

"No sir..I didn't text her.The last when I saw her,she was her with her mom."

"I never asked you that.Mind if I see your mobile phone Punit.You can delete your personal messages if needed!!"-Dutt said charmingly with a notorious smile.

Punit gave his phone with hesitation but never gave a suspicious chance for Dutt by deleting anything.

Dutt exclaimed confidently "Ah..I think Shravan is a great friend of yours!!"

Punit was clueless about the point Dutt was trying to convey.

"Don't feel squeezed Punit..I meant his message in Whatsapp.Look what he has sent you-"A friend will help you move;a true friend will help you move a body..."-You two must be "thick in the darkest" I guess"

"Sir,it's just a forward message sir"..Punit said sheepishly though he was happy that he didn't reply to that text.

"Ok..Punit..we will meet soon..possibly with Shravan next time..See you"-Dutt left the place with a more complexed crany head .

A day before :At morning 8:00 am:

"Akshaya's body had no marks of being hit hard.A slit in the throat and that too a carefully angled cut.

Aphyxia?..may be...but no signs of a smothering or a compressive case.Sexual assault?.Definitely No.The neatly dressed body with only stains of blood on the upper bosom leaves no ambiguity for a sexual assault.Poisoned?..May be..The body is yet to show signs and the postmortem is yet to be done.".After a thorough walk through in his mind palace Dutt now started examining the crime scene.

"The door was not locked.May be on purpose?.No pillows except the one underneath Akshaya have slipped out of bed.So a sudden attack?.Possibly yes.No weapons nearby..only blood stains..A mind calculation eliminates these factors. Akshaya was not struggling against the murderer because her position in bed and the status of her covers say so.A slit in the throat during an unexpected timing and a straight run away through the door?.Possible...because the door was locked outside"

As inspector Dutt was having his duo conversation within his mind,a heavy voice interrupted,"Inspector,our home servant Jaggu is missing since this morning.We both have a doubt on him".It was Akshaya's father Mr.Pratap Rawat.

"Oh..Mr.Pratap..Sorry about this..And yes we are aware of Jaggu and have issued a search warrant against him"-Dutt consoled Pratap.

"Can you please explain be the sequence Mr.Pratap..I am getting varied versions from your neighbours"-Dutt started his investigation directly.

"Definitely inspector.Deepa and I purchased a digi-cam for Akshaya the day before as her birthday happens to be on next week.But I was overjoyed and handed over the gift to her yesterday.She was hyper excited and started taking photographs of us all."

"All in the sense?"

"My wife,myself and Jaggu. Jaggu was like her brother and we never thought that he would do this"

"Mr.Pratap..We are yet to zero in the plot.So don't jump to hasty conclusions..Please continue."

"Sorry..so we had our dinner together with Jaggu serving and later my wife and Jaggu did the cleaning while Akshaya and I played chess.Later my wife and I went to sleep in our bedroom after being assured that our kid was safe.That was the last time I saw her alive"-Pratap's voice trembled as he broke out into tears.

"I am deeply sorry Mr.Pratap.So when you woke up you found her  dead by yourself or some one woke you up and informed."

"No.Deepa woke me up hastingly and I came out only to witness...."-Pratap broke into tears again.

"Mrs.Pratap..sorry for disturbing you at this stage..but please..I hope you understand.Please tell me what was the last conversation you had with Akshaya while coming back from the college and what happened today morning when you woke up"

"Akshaya was not feeling good about her friendship with Punit.Neither were we.He was studious but not disciplined.Akshaya told that he was demanding a date with her which she consistently refused."

"Mrs.Rawat..Both of you being from such high profiled jobs and a modern family..I believe today's trend is dating at the first sight right?.."

"Mr.Inspector..mind your words.High profiled people have dignity and we aren't a kind of what you consider us."

"Oh..I am sorry..Mr.and Mrs.Rawat..please continue.."

"Sorry Inspector..you are troubling us..please leave us alone"-Both Mr and Mrs.Rawat were furious for insulting their hi-fi living.

"Sorry..I will take a leave now Mr.Pratap..The body is supposed to be sent to the postmortem.I shall see you once I have the report"-inspector Dutt stood up to take a leave.

"Jaggu is the murderer.Arrest him first..."Mrs.Deepa Rawat was deeply hurt that her voice was sadly furious to make the inspector leave immediately.

                                                                                      .....................To be continued

An Altruistic Story of Admiration-Women's Day message

On a continuum,the day comes year after year and we walk passed by hailing 'ho' the significance of women in the modern day society but yet remain not to heave a conscious effort in understanding the root problem of gender discrimination.This note today continues as the 3rd part of the series and I personally like to include the women I have admired in my till date life time.

A heart breaking quote that flashed in a corner of front running news daily caught my attention as I was reading through sequential Darwinism theory.The news column read thus

"Illumined by the heightened thought of woman empowerment..What we actually walk through is the fact..While some women are fined for being covered while most are paid for being naked".

Does this apply to the entire gender.No.The answer is ,pocketed places where continuos subjugation take place at a faster rate and in an overall society ,the thought of weakened physical being and a notion of less power is prevalent.

The strings attached to this gender discrimination are multitudes and it varies from men to men.So on a philosophical note ,what gratified saints suggested was to think beyond gender-a concept widely popularised as 'Being Human'.But No.That isn't the best offered solution and going by the current wave of consumeristic social pattern the problem needs a better scrutiny via academic and an impeccable social thought.Safe enough until both genders (leaving aside LGBT) jolt the way for an egalitarian society by means of respect.

With that being said,on this Women's Day I personally would like to mention about a story that illustrates the greatness what men often fail to see or either way put, find it harsh to appreciate open heartedly the role of any lady in his life.So the story goes thus..

A story of Greatness

Two persons converse with each other, a voice which is so divine and appears beyond gender, for it was musical and the other a lady in the her second half of her life.

"You are sure dear?? You don't want to come along?.This may be the best time.I cannot guarantee anything less painful of a departure than this.."-the divine voice filled the void where none but the lady was present.

"No.The duties hold me back.Perhaps the time I waited for all these years have come.A strong support is needed for him to be the man he want to be.I shall do that part along with the blessing of yours"-the lady replied humbly.

"Alright.Many don't get this chance but you did.Think well before you let this go.Once gone,you may not be sure that I respond to you all other times"

"Thank you.I needed your presence nearby and to be with him for he was too frightened to having seen me in this stage.Just be with him and let him be assured that I will be with him soon."

"Okay.I will take care of him.But let me ask you these questions.Answer that questions right and you  will be left undisturbed this time.Do that wrong I may have to think over again of the erstwhile decision"-the voice appeared a bit stern in testing the temperament of the lady.

"I am blessed to have seen you.Please ask yours"-the lady irrespective of her being subjected to pain externally said with a gracious smile.

"What is the one thing you fear most in this life?"-the voice posed the first question.

"I am feared of not having raised him to a position where he became so enthralled of surviving alone and I doubt whether he will be able to do it after I am gone"-the lady's voice trembled.

"What is the one thing that you felt happy about your days on earth?"

"The moment he was blessed for having helped saving the life of a kid and being hailed a wise man"

"Okay.This will be your last question and you answer it right and I leave you right here making your wish come true soon"-the voice was glad with the answers and posed the last question which the lady found trouble to answer.

"One.I leave you now but with two conditions of which ,one is to be fulfilled by you.One.You can come with me peacefully within an year but he would want you most in the life by that time.Second.You can come with me bruised after 20 years but he will be at the epitome of his life and could spare only few moments with you in those years.You will suffocate for having regretted this offer.So choose the one you want to happen"-the voice was calm observing the nuances that let the lady trembling.

"I choose the second.I wish I be with him when he needs me the most.It doesn't matter whether I am bruised or not.He will be at his zenith and that can be the happiest thing for me to watch before I be with you"-the lady said with the tears of joy.

"Ok..Be you be blessed and cherished.Now wake up.Your surgery is over"-the voice having said that faded away.It was the voice of God.The story ends here.

 My mom woke up after her Thyroid cancer surgery.The next moment the words uttered were "Where's Ram ?? I want to meet him".For me,the hug that she offered right in her surgical bed was the one that will be cherished forever.Unknowingly both the mother and son cried for the doctor wanted me to leave outside forcefully.Then I was 16 and till date and for the dates to come in future I still call her the woman who made me who I am and Who I want to be.

What best can be the evidence to stay put the role of woman in any man's life.Be it a mom,a sister, a friend, a life partner or be it any who touched your life in wonderful ways.I am lucky to have such those persons in life for many a time my thoughts say "You have deserved more than what you do".

So as UN theme says"Planet 50-50 by 2030.Step it up for Gender Equality".Think great and act great and a Happy Women's Day ...