Day By Day...We live.

Rainy day:

               In my eight years of stay in chennai,I never had witnessed a cyclone hitting her so hard.But it was a blessing in disguise.A declared holiday even for the mushroom growing corporate(hope not my manager read this) . I was as wet as a fish and I returned to my newly carved(!) 12 X 10 room.Its only been two days I  moved into this new apartment. One could easily sense a kooky atmosphere in my apartment.The walls  with all kinds of drawings,the dressing table with the bio-molecular physical theory equations and most importantly the board explaining the "Holonomic Brain theory" ,often would make people go dizzy about my way of living.
          I decided to go to bed as early as possible.I gulped down a glass of milk and thought that dreams would make me survive for the rest of my day. I've had this bad habit of sleeping with the study lamp turned on and books wide open with the keen red bookmarks seen.(the flapper of the pages makes me sleep I think).But that night instead of my books, my Mac book (white girlfriend-as I call it) was ON and unfortunately I was under the heavy influence of "THE FIGHT CLUB" effect.Insomnia again.

The day before the "NILAM"-chennai view

                        People who say that Insomnia is a condition of "sleeplessness",No you're wrong.Insomnia-a state where you will  neither be awake nor asleep.So the result in morning, "everything you see appears to be a copy of a copy."

Corporate world:

                         Morning 7:30..It had been months ever since I had my morning breakfast.I started from my apartment as usual at a speed of 100 km/h.It was an inconceivable day though.I didn't see the rushing of the throng on the highly cleaned(!) chennai roads.What I saw was tiny little bots moving around speeding one over the other.Again when you don't sleep for days everything appears to be a copy of a copy.The same was happening to me-"THE FIGHT CLUB EFFECT".A cloud burst  of a squall appeared from nowhere.Since I was wearing my jerkin and a helmet( law abiding citizen(!)) I wasn't affected much.For an hour and half I travelled and all I could see on the road was just moving robots.The night dose of "suvorexant" was doing the magic on me.I still wonder how I made myself to the office in that heavy rain.Literally I saw two men sliding their bike alongside the road as if the road was a bed cover and also I saw a tall rooted giant just falling with a thud a few meters away missing my head.Finally I reached my office.

Like Ducks:

                   "Though your cerebro is of mentation type you just have to make it work like a cat's-paw".That was(is) the thumb rule of any corporate.I entered office at about 8:30 am.Except for my head I was drenched.One could imagine how my day would have been spent in an air conditioned building for a span of 10 hrs with no where to go.So as usual I started my machine and checked my daily mails.My work-"An old man's work of struggle for 10 hours with no place to sharpen the axe".As the time machine moved on, the employees started entering the office.Heated discussions about the climate outside.But all I could hear were the sounds and the motions of machine.I was always used with the habit of having my lunch in my cabin.I prefered to have them in my own place than going to the canteen and to have a little bit of chit-chat with my buddies.And this  habit of mine had gained me a name- "The Secluded guy".Yes, I respected my privacy and was comfortable with it. Working hours of 9 and half ended thus and my alarm reminded me "Time to leave the office".I left .

Rat's race:

              Everything in life happens according to a pattern.One life ends ,another begins.To keep myself occupied at all time I've been doing this part time job for two years.I moved onto my studio.Unfortunately,there was no work left since my senior manager had already completed the works on a prior schedule.So I was asked to come the other day.I decided to walk.Having parked my bike somewhere near Adyar,I started walking towards the Elliots beach,I don't remember how far I have walked.When you are left in your own world with the persons you like (music and nature) you never would bother about time.I remember myself starting by 8:30.When I had finally found the the time to be 11 p.m I would have walked a least of 15 kms and then I walked back again.

Hippie Life:

                 I saw a few merry making men during my return journey.First time in my  life I was meeting such persons in a closet .These men had their own way of living.For them money was of no worth. Infact,they had the idea that money makes people cautious.True.I wish I could lead a life like that.It is not that I like man the less,but I love the nature more.But the falling pattern of life may still have more surprises within its closet.Journey continues....
                 

A strange tune:

    ...Its still a mystery to me.We have a greed,with which we have agreed.You think you want to have more than you need,till you have it all you won't be free.When you want more than you have,you think you need and when you think more than you want , your thoughts begin to bleed.I think I need to find a bigger place,cause when you  have more than you think,you NEED MORE SPACE.Society,you're a crazy breed;I hope you're not lonely without me.And please don't be angry with me if I disagree.. so yet another article made out from the crap of mystic living.

Knocks Once-The Life

What happens when you are left all alone with none to question you??

  The answer for the above question varies from person to person.Okay,not rising a speculation ,I shall share with you one of my best experience ever of seeking the best out of solitude.Perhaps, lot of people tend to confuse the term "SOLITUDE" and "ALONE"..My experience is that of solitude, not alone.

   Sunday..morning 3a.m..I'd already made up my mind to get an early day-off ,from my usual weekend schedule.So as planned I started from my room at any  time not less than 3:30 am in the morning.A ride to the broken bridge,chennai. And what happened to me for the rest of time, is a mystery.

YOU REALLY GOT TO EXPERIENCE IT..

Listen to life when it speaks                  

 The moment seemed to flow like a molten sapphire and there was deep blue silence.Neither was there any earth above,nor any sky .The rustling sound of water, the heavenly wind and the light were saying that I was the only soul present in this world.It was me,my breath and my heartbeat.Nothing more.Such deepness,such loneliness and me.I'd always felt my life was not being a worth to live(not now, but then)until that moment.It made me believe my existence.

                             A thing that still had not come up to my lips and only peeks through my eyes.It asked for words, sometimes from me and sometimes from others.So that it could wear those words and come to the lips.And so that i could be embraced by my words.But this thing was actually a feeling…only a feeling.It’s like a fragrance floating in the air.Fragrance, which had no voice and about which you know and I know too.It was not hidden from the world, what kind of a secret it was?Whenever the clouds of pain and sadness loomed me,Whenever tears came till the eyelashes,Whenever my lonely heart got scared,I'd always sought help from my guardian angel and thus I get relieved from the moment.But how long do I expect this guardian angel to soothe my pain.So I asked my heart,"why do you cry? This happens in this world.."

The best place to seek

The answer given by my heart was the best ever soothing rply.It said,"This deep silence…the world has distributed it to everyone.Some sadness is a part of everyone’s life,Some sunshine is a part of everyone’s life.Your eyes are wet without any reason.Every second is a new season,Why do you let go of such priceless moments?And why do you cry?"

                                           "If you have eagerness in your heart, it means you are alive.If your eyes are filled with dreams, it means you are alive.Learn to be free like the wind.Learn to flow freely like the river.Embrace every moment with open arms,See a new horizon every time with your eyes,If you carry surprise in your eyes, it means you are alive,If you have eagerness in your heart, it means you are alive".Perhaps this was the answer I ever longed to hear.

                                  So this is what I learned..It took time, but I learned to live.However be the days, I have learned to live.Now I have known this, what's happiness and what's sorrow.Both are weathers of two moments.Neither they wait nor stay.Life gets made of two colors.Now angry, now placated.Now I have known whom to call mine.There is someone who has told me where have I been left.Life is like a convoy,

when are you alone here, (you never are)everything is here.So,when someone tells a happy, cheerful story, I'd listen too.If there are pearls in tears, someone's souvenir,my heart says, I'd pick too.I should be embracing my love only.I should be walking just like that in the paths.Now here but then elsewhere.This is life for me..

P:S: This is only my personal experience ,neverth a reciprocation on any of others view.The reader needs to run through the situation to understand the theme.

Restless-Mystic-Peace

Walking away...at peace!!!

It's a state of my restlessness;
Can't control this moment,
What do I do now?
What should I do to become calm?
At peace.

It's a state of my restlessness;
Deep in my mind.
The noise of breathing,
Let there be more,
Let me live in this dream;
In mind and heart.


I can remember,
The images in my mind,
Vivid as photographs,
Can I not forget them?

Much to tell,
Yet my words;
Someday I will be heard,
For today,I am just lost.
The end not this is,
But the distance so has come.

Questions lie unanswered,
Should I be blamed?
Webs of confusion,
Anything to be gained by my loss,
Should I be blamed?
I am helpless..so helpless.

These doubts of my mind,
These weak actions of mine,
Are taking me where,
I don't even know.
I just followed you,
The world pushed me away;
You embraced me,
You are the truth,
My Lord!!!

The voice-in says,
"You are not alone;
Never will be able,
To escape yourself,
You...
Break the skies,
Burn the world,
Take any path,
Never will be able,
To hide yourself."

Little scavenging bird,
My small plea to you,
Gorge on all my flesh,
But never eat my eyes,
For,
I hope to see my beloved someday..

Its a state of my restlessness,
Can't control this moment,
To  be at rest,
To be at  peace...

Beyond Life....

 "Why Shri ? You always stick onto the negative side of any aspect.You are such a damn "pigeon hearted pessimist".Keep positive thoughts man."This sentence is often iterated by my guardian angel.I simply give no answer to my angel.

                               Well,this particular description about me is no way connected to the below content.I write this story of  mine with a heavy heart after witnessing a casualty (not directly though ).

Life gave a call   

Listen to Life when it speaks

                             The day was Thursday-July 22'10. 'Tick -tock' resounded with a sharp alarm waking my mom at the wee hour.I was awake though, not making any movement.I heard only whispers ,"Get that red colour bottle",my mom helped herself and brought a tea spoon of some peevish tonic into my mouth.I dozed off again.

                I barely remember the happenings of that day.Only thing I remember now is that "8 hour stay in the Intensive Care Unit".I surpassed what was then called a fatal situation.Yes,I had dengue fever and as a result of my fallasiously diagonised report I was taken back to my home town and was put under the tender arms of my family doc.(late enough to be admitted in CCU).My blood platelet count was dropping and to make my mom's tongue slip out I was bleeding through nose.(forget not to mention about my temperature dropping on a negative scale).But...I survived..Glory to the Almighty!!!

Life calls again

               "Sid,who's on the line??"..."It is Kowshi daaaaa"- evac...We (or atleast I )went blank.I could sense  that someone was holding me and from else where a twinch of droplets appeared over my face.I remember nothing thereafter.My bike went underneath a truck and we were thrown off.This happened on Feb 7,2011.Luckily it was me who succumbed heavy injuries.I later heard my friends saying that I was in a semi coma state and henceforth taken directly to ICU.

             Okay,my description of these events is not to make a self portrait of my traumatic acheivements.That night stay in the ICU taught me a lot of things.To be frank,I realised  the worth of life that night.

  Back to Feb 7'11

                                      I became widely awake an hour before midnight.I saw two nurses and a doctor sitting nearby.They cleaned my wounds and I was given a pain killer to make it less hurt when the stitching was done on the inner side of my mouth.It lasted about half an hour and then there was complete silence.

     It was half past one.I heard a lady mourning."Kill me "said the voice.Since each of our beds were individually screened,I couldn't make a picture of the exact happening.But the voice did express pain in it.Gosh!!those were horrible moments,hearing a person mourn on the death bed.But I was able to see the movement of the doctors.Bad..I experienced a different world there.I could hear her vomitting(!).I did feel her suffering the most. And next to my immediate right was another accident case(i guess);that guy was terribly unlucky for he had suffered head injuries and terrible blood loss.No way of saving.An escorting fear rose inside me and I asked the nurse to give me a dosage for sleep(which she did).

                   At quarter past eight in the morning,my doc showed up and declared me fit enough to be shifted to the general ward.I asked the nurse about the lady.She held her head down shaking.This was when I realised how important a  life is.When I came out of the ICU, I saw my mother's eyes.Literally they were dried up.On the other hand,I saw the family of the other guy who was still there in ICU.Mixed emotions.Am not a good writer to put those in words.

       Life indeed teaches us many things.Each moment in life is a lesson learnt.Miss not those opportunities.And this is particularly for those people who fail to understand the one major thing and see "Suicide " as an option..and the one major thing is "LIFE". Listen to Life when it speaks..Gravity is a powerful thing however hard you fly it will definitely make you land. Stay happy and Stay connected.

Illusion....yet is not !!

Often I've wondered,

You,me we all are mirrors,

We catch our reflection in everyone,

 Its not me,yet I am...

Right or Wrong,I'm Yours,

To find me is to find myself;

All that I wish to say ,

Ruined by words..My words!!

Often I feel that,

This whole world is magic;

Which is and yet is not.

I'VE STARTED FLIGHT AGAIN.....

Seasons,clouds,winds and blossoms

Send signals to me;

How do I narrate their tales?

I've taken flight again,

Let go the world below;

I've taken flight again,

Submit myself to you.

Now,people are far away;

Miles away are these valleys.

Each cloud touches me;

Yet none make me drench.

I've taken flight again,

Never stopped at any;

Not even met myself,

Crowded yet alone.

Cities,villages appear the same;

People and their names ,

All appear the same,

I've taken flight again...

Dreams like dust reappear in my eyes,

No matter how much I brush  them away;

So many dreams I've broken and left behind,

Yet why do they return to me?

They travel and take me away;

On their wings,over branches and leaves;

By my side, door to door.

Day it is and sometimes night;

Desert and rain come by then,

Yet I die a thousand times..

What is real? What is illusion?

Here and there, I am scattered;

Your thought pull me towards you;

I keep flying in these colourful illusions;

Keep flying...Keep flying!!!